Evolutionary Blog

A few weeks back I led an event titled The Myth of Self-Sabotage. If you were unable to attend, or if you came and just wanted the Clift Notes on it to remind yourself, or if you missed it entirely, here is a screen-cast for you.

It is 19 minutes and 30 seconds long. May you find it useful and valuable in your life.

Learn how to facilitate this process with your clients at Getting To Grace -- the weekend training November 15th, 16th, and 17th in San Francisco. Details here:  http://getting2grace.com


If you need the iPad version, your video is »HERE«

That resolution you could not keep. That diet you failed to stay on. That habit you could not break. That part of you that you don't want to own ... and perhaps even deny. That behavior you want--or even need--to stop but can't seem to. Or maybe for you it is that person you know you should stay away from but keep going back to.

Including those parts you have been encouraged to label "shadow".

Your fractured self.

Those parts. Those parts of yourself you are frustrated with, argue or struggle with, and at times, perhaps even hate. Those parts can be brought into alignment, reclaimed, and dissolved into the greater whole.

And rather than the internal dissonance you experience--that internal tension and conflict--you can and will experience greater and greater levels of alignment, integration, and harmony--to your very core.

I look forward to showing you how on Tuesday night. Details »HERE«.

Dating. Relationships. Conflict.

We’ve all dated. Most of us wish we did not have to.  

And we’ve all been in relationships of varying length and experienced some kind of conflict. And we’ve moved through that conflict with varying degrees of skill and The majority of the joy and pain we experience in our lives likely involves another person--it involves a relationship. Whether it be a friendship, a romantic partnership, or a business endeavor, relationships with other people will determine a large portion of what we experience emotionally in our daily lives.

We have all had at least one relationship that confounded us in some way. Maybe we were confounded by our own choices in the relationship. Maybe we were confounded by the other person’s choices in the relationship. Maybe we look back on it and wonder why the heck we were ever in it or how the heck we got into it in the first place.

“If I knew then what I knew now …”, etc.

And maybe it is more than one relationship. Maybe there is a pattern you've noticed and you feel trapped by. And maybe the conflict you have had lead to less than inspiring results. Predictably.

And dating. Ah ... dating. It's more often than not like rolling the dice, isn't it? And we all know how gambling goes: the house almost always wins.

Whether we are in an unfulfilling relationship, want to be in a relationship or are looking to enhance and enrich a wonderful relationship we are already in, there is no way to avoid examining our human relating and the humanity of our relating. And a lot of it is messy. Some if it seems like simple chance and luck. Some of it can be confusing. Some of it is frustrating.

But it does not have to be that way.

What if you could approach a new relationship and/or maintaining your current relationship with far greater wisdom?

Can we learn wisdom the easy way?

Yes. We can.

What you can expect to discover in this evening workshop:

•How to rapidly determine is someone is a fit for you beyond the immediate “chemistry”
•How to use conflict to increase intimacy and understanding--and co-create compelling futures
•Discover a framework to evolve a relationship you are in. Like, no kidding.
•Discover the deeper values being expressed by upset (and also by joy) and how to use them to act with impressive wisdom and insight

And stop hearing yourself say things like this:

• “Relationships are supposed to be hard/require work.”
• “Why do I keep choosing the wrong person/the wrong kind of man/woman?”
• “We say we want the same things, but …”
• “We must have some past karma we're working out ...”


What: Evolutionary Relationships: From Chance to Wisdom | From Conflict to Connection
When: Tuesday, September 10th @ 7:15pm
Where: San Francisco
Cost: Free

Why: To predicably increase your levels of Joy and fulfillment in your relationships


»RSVP« for exact location by using the contact form on this site.

Some years ago I wrote some guidelines for an intentional community and what I felt would create the best convergence of wisdom and having a responsible "immune system" for a community for safety of those participating as well as the most freedom of self-expression possible, all while trying to maintain it as Evolutionary -- with constant upward spirals, part of which would certainly include plateaus in that "constancy".

Blah blah, blah.

Anyway, one of the rules I had [and hold] is that in a community with individuals engaged in personal development, where Evolution is present, it is our duty and responsibility to update our interpretations of others.

This is not so unique, and the need is obvious: people have brief interactions with others. "Snap-shots" of that person if you will. But they are brief and contextual. And yet, people then extrapolate out and assess [or judge] this person as X. They then share this interpretation of this person with others. Perhaps out of genuine concern. Sometimes just to gossip.

And those who are careful and responsible in their sharing may even say "I only interacted whit them in XYZ situation and you may have another experience of them", blah, blah, blah.

They may even check in with the person/interact with them to see if their experience/assessment/interpretation was still valid.

And right there is where we can improve this process.

The Evolutionary would check in to see where their interpretation was *no longer* valid. Observe first where we were (or could be) wrong or out of date--looking for difference rather than for confirmation--of and about their assessment.

It is uncomfortable and against human nature's tendency to go for familiarity, confirmation bias, safety, etc. but it is more rigorous in our own evolution and more useful for true human connection and more aligned with what I consider to be Evolutionary principles.

And we will be relating more accurately with the dynamic being in front of us, rather than the stale and static caricature of them in our heads.

Conflicts arise. For some of us, they arise more frequently than others. 

We all know this.

Conflicts can arise in our personal lives and in our relationships with other people. They can and do arise in professional contexts. And yes, they can even arise within ourselves.

In our personal lives, they can wreak havoc in romantic situations producing a lack of harmony and robbing us of the joy we expect those relationships to provide. In our professional lives they can corrupt professional associations or derail business deals affecting our financial outlook. When they occur within our selves, they can lead to inner turmoil, when we would rather experience harmony and peace.

This isn't exactly news.

What many of us fail to realize is that regardless of the context or the parties involved, we can use the same simple yet effective communication strategies to not only resolve the conflicts and problems, but to use them as a gateway to increased intimacy and connection, broader and deeper understanding, and ultimately, a positive outcome in virtually any situation--personal, professional, or individual.

With the tools we will cover in this mini-workshop, you will discover, gain, or acquire the tools that will allow you to:

• Find common ground where most are resigned to discord
• Expand the number of perspectives through which you can view yourself, others, and situations in general
• Navigate the delicate and often tricky waters of conflicts in romantic situations
• Negotiate professional agreements more effectively
• Overcome obstacles to an outcome that honor all parties involved
• Validate the other person/parties while still honoring yourself
• Create conversations that transcend the "problem" and communicate directly at the level of values
• Speak to the underlying message, rather then the superficial complaint being presented to you
• Dissolve internal conflicts within yourself where you are "of two minds" about something or feel "torn" between this and that perspective or desire

Decrease conflict and discord in your life. Increase joy, connection, intimacy, and success.

Start by adding the tools we will offer in this free evening workshop:

What: From Conflict to Connection
Where: San Francisco »RSVP« for exact location
When: Tuesday, March 12th, 2013 @ 7:15pm

Cost: Free.
Value: Huge

»RSVP« for exact location