Evolutionary Relationships
It’s the one thing that unites and connects us all.
We are not united by national origin, gender, politics, ethnicity, and the like. Not universally. The one thing that universally unites us is this:
Love
It's the one thing every human has in common.
Any poem about love in any language still transmits the same experience regardless of the language we translate it into. Sufi mystic Rumi and Nobel Prize winner Pablo Neruda were separated by several centuries yet both their poetry still translates to this:
Love
Love. Love and a clear reverence for the women they loved without losing any of their masculine centers. It's almost become a lost art.
But it does not matter where your lover came from or whether you have the same birth language - or even speak the same language. Or what color they are. We can fall in love with anyone from any place - from any religion or cultural background - at any time.
We’ve all experienced some version of it.
Perhaps it was the rush of the chemical attraction--they touched your hand and the electricity was unforgettable. Or maybe it wasn’t the chemistry, maybe it was the feeling of finally being home. Or a kind of comfort and safety you felt almost immediately. Or maybe it was a feeling of familiarity--as if you've known someone for years even though you just met them.
Then at some point when those feelings (many of which we discover are Illusions and projections) are dispelled, and the person begins to behave in ways that disappoint, confound or even anger us, we may begin to question the connection that we have with them and at times, perhaps, even our own judgment.
Inevitably, we come face-to-face with how many assumptions we've made. How we have built our entire relationship and levels of trust, as well as our fantasies about the future, on these assumptions. And in our pain and confusion, we often make grave errors that only make matters worse and tragically make our future in that relationship - or the next - even worse still.
Sucks, right?
But you know what?
Virtually all of that is avoidable.
Most of us do not know how to set ourselves up for success in the beginning - we start dating based on chemistry and attraction or availability - not on aligned values. We do not know how to have the conversations to set a baseline for what we will agree on - what our agreed foundation is - heck, some people wait so long to have these conversations that they are not even sure if they are monogamous or both dating other people months into dating (!)
These are conversations that need to be had sooner rather than later. And some people know that, but they don’t know how to have those conversations.
Or worse, they are simply too scared to have them.
Then when conflict arises, we lack the tools to navigate the situation in a way that feels good, let alone connective and satisfying to both of you.
Or when the relationship stalls we don't know how to keep it alive, sexy, and have it continue to inspire and uplift - to bring out the best in us.
Then when it ends we have no constructive way to deal with the grief, the self-doubt, the anger, and no capacity to deal with feelings of betrayal or loss or confusion.
At that point, some of us immerse ourselves so deeply into the process and feelings of loss that we may even think that we are destined to repeat the cycles - and perhaps some of you have - that do not work and lack fundamental workability.
But THAT is certainly avoidable.
This framework addresses all three phases.
#RelationshipGenesis
#RelationshipGenesis: How to consciously and mindfully design your relationship.
Whether you are single and want to start off by doing it right from the first date, or you are in a relationship and you want to re-boot, re-model, and/or completely transform the relationship, this is where we begin.
(click the "+" to expand the sections)
The truth of the matter is if you still harbor resentments about your past relationship - or about men or women in general, you are not yet ready to date again. Not responsibly.
- Healing Your Relationship Residue From The Past
- Clearing Grief, Anger, Resentments
- Releasing emotional enmeshments from past loves and lovers
- Dissolve parental imprints
- Completing your past so you can create your future and attract your next love
If you are currently in a relationship and you want to transform it - to breathe new life into it - clearing out any resentments you harbor is the critical first step.
The Law of Attraction and confirmation bias are powerful forces - most of which happen at the unconscious level. But we can change this so you can use the power of your mind to get what you want - rather than having what you keep trying to avoid.
We have you take on mindsets and beliefs that will serve you and your relating in several areas:
- Yourself, relationships, the world, people, money, the future, your partner if you are in a relationship, etc.
- How to relate to conflict and rejection in ways that empower you and help you grow rather than shut you down
- Accepting that you are worthy of having a fulfilling relationship
- Consciously designing and co-creating what you want your relationship to be about.
Once you have cleared out the past and taken on empowering and powerful mindsets and beliefs and committed to certain principles that will help you avoid common pitfalls, you can head out into the real world.
We'll cover:
- Do's and don'ts of dating - online and in real life
- How to rock the first date
- How to ask questions that will reveal whether it is a good fit or not in the first hour - rather than finding out the hard way over weeks or months
- How to have an authentically fulfilling connection - and how to communicate authentically and deeply
- How to co-create your relating, what its purpose is, and what your agreements are.
Unfortunately, most people connect around simple attraction or chemistry alone, which leads to predictably volatile results.
You can certainly have chemistry, passion, and otherworldy attraction, but you must do this within the context of functional fit at a deeper level.
We'll cover how to determine this deeper level fit early on through curiosity and inquiry in a way that assures that special someone you are hot for will also be a good fit so you do not suffer from a cycle of disappointments and flash-in-the-pan short-lived relationships.
#RelationshipContinuum
#RelationshipContinuum is about how to navigate conflict, keep your relationship alive, vibrant, and sexy. How to nourish your relating so it feels fresh and romantic every day, keeping you in love and in connection.
(click the + to expand the sections)
No matter how much love there is, there will inevitably be conflict.
The difference between an extraordinary relationship and a mediocre one is how quickly you can move through that conflict and get back into connection.
In #RelationshipContinuum you will learn how to negotiate and implement specific communication structures for quickly deeply resolving conflict - without stepping over anything or indulging in bypass - so you can more rapidly get back into connection and back into the juicy intimacy and love that brought you together in the first place.
How to express your needs, make requests, and create new agreements and understandings.
From date nights to reinvigorating your sex life.
We can design approaches that align with your values for play, romance, increasing your intimacy and connection, and desire to have a more fulfilling sex life all wrapped around and delivered through advanced communication strategies.
Also: why The Platinum Rule is way better than The Golden Rule when it comes to relationships.
Are you in an alive, vibrant relationship? Or are you just in a habit?
It is my belief - and my experience - that any relationship can be transformed and new life can be breathed into it if at least one person in the relationship is committed to it, and both are at least willing and open to the idea.
And the reason that most relationships fail is that one or both parties are living in the past - in their heads - dwelling on some wrong or some injury and harboring resentments without clearing that out.
Relationships begin to die in the unsaid.
#RelationshipPostmortem
When is it time to leave?
This may be the most difficult question for us to answer for ourselves and there are so many variables - if there are children involved it makes it even more complicated even if the end result is the same.
But one thing we want to be sure of is that we do not stay in the relationship for the wrong reasons.
However, if you have come to the conclusion it will be impossible to transform your relationship and it is time to either end it with dignity, honor, and grace - amicably, or if it needs to be a unilateral choice, design your elegant exit - we can help you to navigate the situation taking into account all parties concerned.
Once you have made the courageous choice to end it, there are several critical things you must do.
- Grieve and take time to mine the treasure trove of learning and growth
- Reclaim your power and yourself without vilifying the other person
- Set yourself up to uplevel yourself and therefore your next relationship
How are you responsible? What can you learn? What areas of development do you need to take on? What was revealed that you still need to heal from both that relationship or even previous relationships - all the way back to parental imprints if that be the case ...
Consciously designing and manifesting your next lover or partner.
- What did you love about your last partner that you want again in the future?
- What was missing? What additional qualities and characteristics do you want in your future partner and your future relationship?
- Where did you get triggered in the past - so that you can clear out those triggers?
- Begin again with #RelationshipGenesis
Your Next Step
Schedule a complimentary initial conversation with me. We can discuss where you are in your relationship - or your singleness - and see if it makes sense for us to work together.
Do it now by clicking here.
